Gloves coming off!

So there is this delightful post I've been following on a pregancy board I'm with, titled "No Offense". Basically you get things off your chest but people can't attack you because you said 'no offense' (meant to be funny). I'd like to take a stab at it...

• No offense creepy neighbor but quit staring at my belly and acting like you know everything about pregnancy. I know you want kids really bad so constant belly staring is making me reeeeally happy we're moving away from you.
• No offense but do you know even know how to lead music? Not every hymn should be at death march speed.
• No offense but do people in WA even know how to drive? It amazes me that you got your driver's license. You do realize what Yield means right? And a 4-way stop means people take turns going....
• No offense but it scares me (literally scares me) that people are having fewer and fewer babies. What's going to happen to your culture Germany? Of course here in the US we make up for that...the teenie boppers have babies.
• No offense but I will not discuss child rearing with you because we obviously wouldn't agree & I'd hate to ruin our weekly game nights. :)
• No offense but I paid a ridiculous amount to see this movie so spare me the prima donna act when I shush you.

That felt good. :) Anyone else want to give it a shot?