So I just want to put this out there, for anyone who may be suffering as I have. This is a no-jokes post - which I'll admit is almost non-existent for me. I'd would rather be a ray of sunshine 100% of the time but this has been weighing on my mind.
Growing up, I feel I was extremely blessed. I never had health issues, I had no body image problems or low self-esteem. I made friends easily. I feel I had a perfect childhood. I married my sweetheart and had a wonderful child.
A little more than 2 years ago (before I became pregnant with The Admiral), I went on a business trip to Ohio. On the way back I experienced something I've never dealt with before. I had a massive anxiety attack out of left field at the airport. I became overheated, my heart raced, felt like I was going to throw up/pass out and my anxiety level was through the roof. I honestly do not know where this came from.
After making it home, I had to deal with ongoing anxiety. It got so bad I couldn't even leave the house. It almost seemed my entire anxiety revolved on the fear of actually having an anxiety attack outside the home - which of course brought on one anyway. It was a vicious cycle.
Thankfully after seeing a doctor, I was put on medication that helped me through this. I then got pregnant, went off the medicine and never needed it again.
Until last month.
After my lovely ER trip, my anxiety issues reared their ugly head and came back full force. I knew I couldn't let this continue and went to see a doctor. The medication hasn't been working as I'd hoped and today I had a followup visit.
Sitting in the waiting room my pulse increased...I felt sick...overheated...dizzy. I can't tell you how badly I just wanted to get up and leave - to deal with this some other day. But I knew I needed this appointment if I wanted to get better. I silently prayed over and over again, trying to grab hold of the Spirit to give me some comfort. I felt a quiet feeling of peace that Heavenly Father knew what I was going through and how much He loved me. It was enough to lay there until the doctor returned with an updated prescription.
I don't know if I'll ever be free from this problem but I do know that I'm happy. I'm happy with my life, with myself and my circumstance. Is it fun having an anxiety problem? Heck no. But I know it'll only make me stronger and I was given this issue for a reason.
My good friend KaRynn gave me the best advice I could have gotten at that moment, "You're a strong person. You'll get through this." I know I will.
3 comments:
I'm sorry you're going through that :( You should get a blessing for comfort too..and I'm sure you pray daily about this-not that it will go away, but that you can cope and deal with it and be comforted. Sometimes I think it's important we remember that we can't always expect things to go away (PS I'm not saying you are expecting that :) ) and just be better instantly (although that's instinct to want that). Sometimes we are given these things for a reason far beyond what we see/know from our own perspective. Maybe later on we'll see why we went through something in our past. I've come to realize and be thankful for all the hard things I've gone through or been given because I know it means I'm strong since we aren't ever given anything we can't handle. I pray you will be comforted and safe as you work through this. You can do whatever you put your mind to and I know you will overcome this challenge ready to meet the next one :)
Dang. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, girl! Some of my loved ones struggle with anxiety, and I know that it's definitely a trial. I hope that things start to look up. I will definitely keep you in my prayers! It takes a lot of courage to write about things like this, and I'm really glad you did.
Thanks ladies, that means a lot. I'm not one to take challenges laying down so I'll spring back. :)
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